


Join the Inquisition they said

by TheLadyOrTheTiger



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: 3rd person perspective on a relationship, F/M, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, ambiguous class inquisitor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-24 15:59:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3774742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyOrTheTiger/pseuds/TheLadyOrTheTiger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everybody remembers the poor recruit who interrupted Cullen when he was about to kiss the Inquisitor for the first time. What if it was not the first, or last time he intruded on the Commander's private time with his love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Join the Inquisition they said

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank miss-shaley for getting me into Dragon Age, looking over this story for me, and just generally being the greatest.
> 
> Also, I know that in the fandom the recruit is sometimes called Jim, but I kind of wanted to make him more mine and give him some personality, so I named him Arthur.

"Join the Inquisition, you'll be serving the Maker and Andraste," his mother said.

"Join the Inquisition, you'll gain fighting experience," his father said.

"Join the Inquisition, you'll travel," his brother said.

"Join the Inquisition, you'll meet interesting people," his best friend said.

Arthur snorted. That all turned out sooo well.

If he could go back in time, he would tell his former self how it was really going to be.

"Join the Inquisition, you'll be constantly terrified and embarrassed, you awkward idiot," he would say.

After months upon months of serving in the Inquisition Arthur did not feel like he had a deeper connection to the Maker or his Bride. He didn't get picked for ridding parties often, so he didn't have many chances to fight or travel, and when he did, it usually ended badly. He was mainly just running around the keep, delivering messages and fetching reports.

He did meet interesting people though, and that was the problem. Those people hated him. Maybe not all of them, he reasoned with himself. Not even most of them. But at least one very important person did hate him. Commander Cullen.

Arthur shuddered just thinking about the angry expression that always appeared on the Commanders face whenever he saw him. Which was deeply unfair. None of this was Arthur's fault! He was just always in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Or maybe some things were kind of his fault. A little bit. Damn his stupid curiosity.

But he never had ill intentions, and that should count for something.

The first time wasn't so bad. He was still kind of lost in Skyhold, stumbling around, running up and down wrong staircases, opening doors that never lead to where he needed to go, and annoying the servants with his constant questions about directions. He was lost again, and this time he stumbled into a courtyard, while looking for the library. He was going to go back where he came from, and this time take the left, instead of the right, but something stopped him. Right now Arthur was convinced that it was some minor demon, playing a trick on him, cursing him for all eternity.

There they were - Commander Cullen and Lady Trevelyan, the Inquisitor, playing chess. Arthur saw them often, but only from a distance. They were always so rigid and formal, intimidating and powerful. Now they looked relaxed, happy. They even laughed. Logically he knew that everybody laughed, but it was quite a surprise to hear the stern Commander do it.

Arthur couldn't hear what they were saying, so he moved a bit closer, which was a colossal mistake. He was never stealthy, and of course he stepped on a crumbled stone, tripped, and fell face first into the grass.

"Are you alright?" asked the Inquisitor kindly.

If a rift opened up right over him and swallowed him at that very moment, Arthur would have been grateful. How embarrassing! How often he wished he could talk to the Inquisitor, tell her how much he admired her. Now she was actually speaking to him, but only because he was a clumsy fool. And an eavesdropper to boot.

"Yes, yes, quite all right. I do apologize, Lady Inquisitor," he mumbled, getting up and dusting himself off.

"Do you have some business with me or  the Inquisitor?" demanded the Commander, his voice stern.

"No, Sir. I was looking for the library and found myself here."

A demon attack would be a very desirable occurrence at this point, Arthur decided, as Commander Cullen lifted one brow at him in obvious disbelief.

"I apologize for the disturbance. I will be on my way. Commander. Lady Inquisitor."

Bowing gracelessly, Arthur turned to go.

"Do you know where the library is?" Lady Trevelyan asked.

"No. Maybe. I'm not certain," Arthur's words were stumbling, just like he did mere moments ago. Now he wished the ground could swallow him.

"It's a very large and confusing castle. I couldn't find my way around here for the longest time." The Inquisitor chuckled. "You must have taken the wrong turn quite a few times."

Arthur opened his mouth to apologize once more, but the Inquisitor just smiled at him and gave him the directions. As he was walking out, the Commander shot him an annoyed look, which made Arthur wince.

He did managed to find the library, and once there he concluded that he was an idiot, but in the end no one was going to send him back home over the incident. He still marveled at the Inquisitor's kindness. She didn't have to help him, yet she did. She would probably stop Commander Cullen if he tried to berate him, as Arthur was sure he wanted to. It was a privilege to serve a cause led by such a woman. Even if she thought he was a complete dolt.

How simple his life was then. How naive he was, thinking that it was the most embarrassing thing that was going to happen to him. It was only going to get worse from there.

It has been a few weeks since the stumbling incident, and Arthur finally knew his way around Skyhold. He was rather enjoying himself - working during the day and drinking ale in the tavern with the other recruits in the evenings.

That particular day he was helping sister Leliana, when the Commander walked in. After a quick conversation with the Spymaster, he demanded that a copy of her report be brought to him without delay. Commander Cullen must have not recognized Arthur, or wasn't angry about the interrupted chess game, since he tasked him with that assignment.

Arthur was quite happy that his embarrassment was forgotten, and he quickly sat down to copy the report. Once it was done, he all but run to the Commander's tower. He knocked on the doors and got no answer, so he tried the handle. The doors were open and he walked in. The Commander was not at his desk. Arthur called out, thinking that he could be upstairs, in his living quarters, but there was no response.

He should have left the report on the desk, but being the overeager fool that he was, Arthur decided to find the Commander and deliver the report to his hands, without delay.

"If I were the Commander, where would I be?" Arthur mussed.

After trying the other doors, Arthur found another recruit who told him that the Commander was on the opposite side of the tower.

As he was opening the doors, Arthur noticed a spelling mistake on the report. He wanted to kick his own ass, but it was too late.

"You wanted a copy of sister Leliana's report," Arthur said, not looking up from the parchment in his hand.

"What?" came the Commanders harsh voice.

"Sister Leliana's report. You wanted it delivered 'without delay'," Arthur explained, slightly surprised by Commander Cullen's ire. He was just doing what he was told. What could be wrong with that?

The Commander glared at him with such anger that Arthur was afraid he was going to turn him into stone or make him burst into flames, just with his gaze. Which was absurd. Or was it?

Swallowing nervously, Arthur turned to look away from the Commander, and noticed the Inquisitor standing suspiciously close to Commander Cullen, her head turned down, her hands nervously touching her face.

Oh...

Oh!

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He just interrupted a romantic moment between the Commander and the Inquisitor. He just stopped them from... kissing? And before, in the courtyard, he didn't interrupt a friendly game of chess, but a seductive one. Could games of chess be seductive? And why was he wondering about it now?

"Or... To your office... Right..."

Arthur started walking backwards, calmly, like he was taught to do when confronted by a wild animal. Commander Cullen was staring daggers into him and Arthur wanted to run and scream. When the Commander turned back to Lady Trevelyan, Arthur finally broke into a sprint, shutting the doors behind himself and sliding down to sit on the floor.

Idiot, idiot, moronic, dimwitted, half-brained dunce. He berated himself, banging his head against his knees. The Commander surely hated him now, and even the Inquisitor probably wasn't eager to protect him from her... lover?

A fine mess he made of things. With a tremulous sigh, Arthur got up from the floor and put the thrice damned report on the table. He was going to have to face the consequences of his stupid tactlessness. On one hand he knew that the Commander was an honorable man, and was not likely to let his personal feelings bleed into his professional responsibilities, but on the other hand Arthur still felt the fury in his gaze, and it made his insides turn to a quivering mess of fear.

For the next several days Arthur was walking around Skyhold on his toes, practically creeping around like a thief, looking around every corner, all to avoid the Commander. His muscles were tense with constant stress. Who could have thought that he was going to be more worried about walking into the Commander than being attacked by demons or dragons?

Time passed and Arthur was starting to relax. After two weeks he decided that he was probably safe. If the Commander was going to do something to him, he would've done it by now. Or was he maybe planning something elaborate and terrifying?

"Get a grip," he muttered to himself. "You're not important enough to warrant so much of the Commander's time. He would just demote you and not set some kind of trap."

It was very surprising to Arthur when his superior informed him that he was one of the few recruits chosen to go to the Winter Palace. Arthur was beyond thrilled. He’s never been to Oralis. The decadent, deviant Orlais with its masked nobility and delicious cakes. This was the adventure he was waiting for. After those two disastrous blunders he lost hope that he would ever get to go anywhere interesting, but there he was, on his way to brush shoulders with royals.

The assassination plot and ensuing fight were the good parts of the trip to the Winter Palace, Arthur decided, since he managed to make an idiot of himself once again. All the excitement left him tired and overheated. Wanting to get a breath of fresh air, free from the stifling Orlesian perfume, he made for one of the balconies. There were quite a few of those, but of course Arthur had to pick the one that had the Commander and Inquisitor on it.

They were dancing, Lady Trevelyan pressed close to Commander Cullen, her head on his shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. It wasn’t so much a dance as a slow sway, their feet not moving much. They weren’t even paying attention to the music, which was rather lively now. It looked like they were in a world of their own.

Arthur sighed. They were beautiful together – happy and peaceful. They were in love, there was no doubt in Arthur’s mind about that. He was glad they had that. Such heavy burdens were laying on their shoulders – they deserved some joy in their lives as well.

He couldn’t let them see him, disturb this perfect moment. Arthur turned around and smacked his face right into a pane of glass. Apparently a servant closed the doors to the balcony behind him.

Unable to stop himself, Arthur hissed in pain, his hand going to his nose.

“It’s you again, isn’t it?” the Commander gritted through clenched teeth, voice filled with quiet rage.

Arthur turned to look at the couple, trying to appear small and contrite.

“Oh, hush love. He’s in pain, you don’t have to make it worse for him,” Lady Trevelyan chided Commander Cullen lightly. “Your name is Arthur, isn’t it?”

“Yes my Lady. I do apologize. I just wanted a bit of air. I’ll go now.” He stretched his left hand behind himself and fumbled with the door handle.

“Don’t worry, Arthur. Nothing happened.” The Inquisitor smiled at him. “Oh,” her face turned serious. “Your nose is bleeding.”

Arthur looked at his fingers and saw the blood running over them.

“Sit. Put your head back.” Lady Trevelyan was walking towards him, rummaging through her pockets.

Arthur obeyed her command, perching on the railing, embarrassed beyond measure. This time he couldn’t even slink away in shame to hide until the Commander's anger dissipated.

“Here. Take this.” The Inquisitor pressed a handkerchief into his hand.

Arthur put the cloth under his nose.

“Thank you, my Lady. I apologize.”

“It’s quite alright, Arthur.”

The Commander snorted derisively and Arthur shuddered nervously.

“It’s quite all right, _isn’t it Commander_?” Lady Trevelyan enunciated every word.

“Yes, quite alright, Arthur.” The Commander sighed, his face still betraying his displeasure.

Lady Trevelyan send her lover a sweet smile, making him smile in turn.

“Will you be fine, Arthur?” the Inquisitor asked.

“Of course, my Lady. Thank you. I’m sorry. I never intended to… Never… It’s just…” Arthur stammered.

“Forgiven and forgotten,” Lady Trevelyan assured him. “It’s a good thing you came. We should get back to the ball. We’ve been here too long.”

At her words the Commander sent Arthur a look that said that he didn’t think they were on the balcony too long and he didn’t appreciate the interruption, but he didn’t say a word, as he passed him on the way out.

The blood trickled slower and slower from his nose, yet Arthur's mind was still racing. One time could be considered an accident, two times an unfortunate coincidence, but three times was definitely a pattern. Did the Commander think that Arthur was spying on them? It was all a big misunderstanding, but it looked highly suspicious.

The Commander hated him, the Maker hated him. His life was one big unfunny joke. Only Lady Trevelyan remained pleasant, helpful and impossibly kind. Arthur was sure she was the Herald of Andraste – she embodied all the positive traits of the Maker’s Bride.

Arthur folded the bloodied handkerchief and stuffed it into his pocket. He had to wash it and find a way to return it to the Inquisitor. Also, he had to apologize to the Commander and explain the situation. Yes. He was going to talk to Commander Cullen and everything was going to be alright.

But it wasn’t. Arthur was an optimist at heart, so he couldn’t anticipate how much worse things could get.

After the return to Skyhold everything was a flurry of movement. There was no time for him to speak to either of the people he’s wronged with his awkwardness.

Quite a bit of time has passed since the Winter Palace ball, but Arthur was still determined to set the record straight. It was rather late when he’s heard from another recruit that the Commander was in his tower. His duties for the day done, Arthur decided to speak to Commander Cullen.

He couldn’t have known. Couldn’t have anticipated. His cheeks burned with shame at the memory.

The doors were slightly ajar, so Arthur just pushed them open further… and froze in place as they creaked and the two figures lying on the desk turned to look at him. Arthur felt like his legs were made of stone. He couldn’t move, couldn’t look away from the scene before him. The Inquisitor was laying on her back on the desk, her jacket half unbuttoned, revealing her breastband. The Commander was propped on his arms over her, laying between her spread thighs. They also seemed to be in the same stupor that he was, just blinking at him.

Then in an instant, all hell broke loose.

The Commander jumped from the desk.

“Fade take you! Get out!” he shouted, his words vicious and almost deafening.

The Inquisitor covered herself, huddled on the desk.

“Maker, Arthur! Get out!” Her voice was not as angry as the Commanders, but more embarrassed.

“I’m sorry sorrysorry, so sorry. I didn’t mean to!” Arthur shouted, covering his eyes with his palms.

“Get out!” the couple screamed in unison.

To his great relief, his legs turned back to flesh and he was again able to move.

“I’m so sorry, apologies, apologies, sorry,” Arthur shouted into the night as he run away from the tower.

He was dead. There was no salvation. He was cursed and now the Inquisitor and Commander were going to kill him. Unless...

Unless they couldn't find him.

Arthur stopped, out of breath, resting his hands on his thighs, gulping in air. There was a mission departing at dawn to the Exalted Plains. They were supposed to fight some bandits holed up in an abandoned fort, nothing terribly interesting. It would not be difficult for Arthur to convince one of his friends to trade places with him. He would be out of sight of the Commander and no harm would come to him.

He had to laugh at the absurdity of his situation - he felt more safe departing to fight some ruthless bandits than staying in a relatively safe castle and facing the wrath of one man. This was his blasted life now. Shaking his head, Arthur went to the barracks.

The mission proved longer than anyone anticipated. It turned out that some bandits managed to escape through an underground tunnel and worn their comrades in a nearby fort. The Inquisition party was attacked on the road. After defeating the bandits they had to turn back and take care of the other fort the bandits occupied. For his troubles Arthur got a knife wound to the back, which fortunately wasn't very deep. All in all, he decided, things could've been much worse.

Much time has elapsed since his last blunder, so Arthur felt only slightly terrified of meeting Commander Cullen. When he returned to Skyhold, to his great joy, it turned out that the Commander has departed.

His luck was turning, Arthur was sure of it. Thinking back on it, he wanted to slap himself in the face for that unfounded positivity. The worst was yet before him.

It was a relatively warm night, the ale flowed freely and everybody was laughing and singing bawdy tavern songs. Even the news that the Commander has returned didn't bother Arthur as much as it probably should.

When all the coins were gone from his pockets, he mournfully left his comrades. Walking out of the tavern he stumbled slightly and laughed to himself. He had to get to the barracks. But where were they? His sense of direction was never his strongest suit and when he was in his cups it went straight to shit.

Left? Right? He hiccupped, stumbled again, and picked a direction at random. He wasn't quite sure where he was going, but wasn't very worried about that small fact.

Thank the Maker for walls, he thought, leaning on one heavily. Time for a tiny break, he decided. The ground was just beginning to stop spinning when he heard a soft sigh and a chuckle not far from where he was.

Curiosity. That was his problem, his undoing and downfall. In his sober state he would probably understand what the sounds signified and not bothered the people making them, but under the influence of the ale he had no restrain or forethought, only his stupid curiosity.

With all the grace of a man deeply inebriated, he crept toward the sound. He stumbled into the garden and made a strangled groan at what he saw. The Herald of Andraste was laying on the ground, propped up on her elbows, with her head thrown back, while the Commander knelt between her spread bare legs.

At the sound of his voice Lady Trevelyan lifted her face. Her eyes bulged at the sight of him. Arthur was in full fledged panic, which meant he could not move. He was readying to apologize for what felt like a millionth time, his mouth already half open, when he saw the Inquisitor shake her head. When she saw him close his lips, she made frantic motions to the side with her head, telling him to leave.

This silent exchange lasted only a few seconds, but it was a few seconds too long. With mounting dread Arthur saw Commander Cullen lift his head up.

"Did you hear something?" he asked the Inquisitor.

"It was just the wind, my love." She threaded her fingers through his hair, stopping him from turning to look behind him. "Pleas. I need you," she whispered urgently, tugging at his hair.

The Commander just chuckled and got back to... what it was that he was doing. Arthur was not going to think about that.

Lady Trevelyan repeated her desperate head motions and Arthur finally managed to convince his traitorous body to move. He turned back and walked as silently as he could. When he was quite sure he was out of the sight and hearing range of the couple he begun to run.

On the way to the barracks he got lost quite a few times, his heart hammering, and his thoughts buzzing with alcohol and confusion. She saved him! The Inquisitor saved him! The Commander didn't see him. If he did, Arthur would probably be dead. There was only one question - how was he ever going to look at the Inquisitor or the Commander without blushing furiously? He should thank Lady Trevelyan for her mercy, but he wasn't sure how he could go about it. The fear and ale made him vomit.

In the end he found the barracks, vomited again before entering and fell into a troubled sleep.

The next morning he woke up to a pounding headache, which he admitted he wholeheartedly deserved, and the news that the Inquisitor was departing. That gave him time. Time to think about his apology and time to get the image of her and the Commander... enjoying each other's presence, out of his mind.

Despite his best intentions, Arthur couldn't come up with a plan of action. He couldn't very well ask anyone for advice - he didn't wanted to embarrass himself and get people gossiping about the Inquisitor and Commander any more than they already did.

Imminent fighting and horrible violence shouldn't make anyone happy, but it kind of lifted Arthur's spirits. His problems didn't seem so terrible when contrasted with potential end of the world. The Inquisitor and Commander were certainly not thinking of him, and he liked it that way.

The defeat of Corypheus was a stupendous success and the ensuing celebration was a sight to behold. Heedless of his previous inebriated misadventure, Arthur drank ale and danced with his friends all over the castle. Through a series of events he could not fully recreate, he found himself alone on the battlements. Unconcerned, he marched forward, swinging a bottle of ale in one hand, enjoying the crisp mountain air.

He wasn't really paying attention to where he was going, so it was quite a surprise when he stumbled upon the Commander and Inquisitor in the same spot where he saw them almost kiss. It felt like lifetimes ago. Now Commander Cullen was getting up from his knees and kissing Lady Trevelyan passionately, still holding one of her hands with both of his.

He proposed! And she accepted him! Arthur felt overjoyed for them. It had to be the strong emotions that made his hands tremble. That was the only possible explanation for why the bottle fell from his hand, braking over the stones with a crash that to his ears sounded louder than thunder.

The happy couple turned towards the sound, the Commander's eyes changing into angry slits. That was quite enough for Arthur.

"I give up! I give up! I'm cursed!" he shouted drunkenly. "I'm leaving here! I'll go live with the Dailish! Or become a pirate! I'm leaving!"

Arthur threw his hands up in defeat and run away as fast as he could. He couldn't be sure, but he might have heard the Inquisitor laugh.

He was halfway through a new bottle of ale, sitting alone in front of the tavern when he saw Commander Cullen and Lady Trevelyan walking his way, holding hands.

Fear gripped him like a vice. The bottle fell from his hands as he jumped up, lifting his palms up defensively.

"I'll be gone in the morning. You'll never see me again. I swear," Arthur squeaked out pathetically.

"It's alright Arthur," the Inquisitor assured him. "You don't have to leave. We have something to tell you." She waited for a moment and looked up at the Commander. "My love, don't you want to say something to Arthur?"

Commander Cullen sighed heavily.

"Arthur, we would like to invite you to our wedding, as our honored guest."

Arthur gaped at them stupidly for long moments.

"Invite me? Honored guest?" He wasn't sure he heard it right. Maybe it was all just a dream?

"Yes, Arthur." The Inquisitor smiled at him. "We thought that since you've been an accidental witness to some of the most important moments we've shared, you should, this time completely intentionally, be a part of our wedding."

"Are you sure?" Arthur still wasn't certain it was all real.

"We are." The Herald of Andraste nodded and the Commander followed her example.

"So you're not angry with me? You don't think I was spying on you on purpose?"

"For a while I was leaning in that direction," Commander Cullen admitted, "but then I realized that you're the most inept spy I could ever imagine. No self-respecting spy would get caught every time and shriek and apologize like you did. As hard to believe as it was, I had to admit that it was one big coincidence. You, my man, have the worst luck."

"So there will be no punishment? No death for me?"

"Of course not!" The Inquisitor looked positively shocked. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"I... Uh... The Commander kind of maybe had murder in his eyes when he looked at me?" Arthur mumbled.

To Arthur's surprise Commander Cullen looked slightly ashamed.

"Yes. I might have looked... angry," he conceded, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I _was_ angry. Every moment with this perfect woman is a gift and you were robbing me of them. You made things awkward. As if I needed help in that department," he muttered under his breath. "Anyway. I know it wasn't your fault and I'm sorry if you thought your life was in danger."

They all laughed nervously.

"We haven't set a date yet, but as soon as we do, you'll be informed," the Inquisitor told Arthur. "You said you were cursed," she mused out loud. "I'm not sure I believe that, but if you were, then I think that being a welcome addition to our wedding would break that curse."

The question whether the curse was real or Arthur just had a string of very strange bad luck, could never be determined, but the fact remained - after the wedding Arthur stayed with the Inquisition and never interrupted Commander Cullen and Lady Trevelyan again.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I've had the guts to publish. Any comments would be greatly apreciated.


End file.
